AUGUST 15, 2017 COMMUNICATION,CONFLICT
Improving your relationship can be as easy as simply taking time to actually review it. Most things you want to succeed, has either an annual, quarterly, monthly, or weekly review. Think about it. Your job’s overall goal is assessed in meetings annually with quarterly reviews of how the company is performing. If you are dieting, you review your weight monthly or even weekly by stepping on a scale and determining if you’ve gained or lost weight. You’ll see your primary doctor or dentist every 6 months or yearly just to review your health and ensure everything is ok. Even your car gets checked on with oil changes, tune-ups and tire rotations. While we can all agree these reviews are necessary, have you ever asked yourself if you’ve reviewed your relationship?
You might be thinking. Review my relationship? I think about my relationship all the time so I’m always reviewing it. Maybe you are. But have you really sat down with yourself and your partner to hear each other about how things are going? Have you been frustrated lately about certain behaviors your partner is doing that you just want to get off your chest? Has your partner been walking around the house with a bad attitude lately and you can’t seem to understand why? Maybe it’s time to review with each other what’s going on the past month of your relationship. It doesn’t have to be this big moment of time where a lot of drama happens. Instead, it can be a simple chat about how you both feel the relationship has been lately or significant things you’ve noticed that you want to share.
When a tire starts getting worn out, the mechanic may tell you, “Hey, you may want to keep an eye on this as it’s starting to wear down”. When your dentist gives your teeth a cleaning, he may tell you, “Hey, you had a lot of plaque build up this time, may want to consider flossing a bit more.” Can you use the same language with your partner? You can go to your partner and say, “I notice you’ve been distant the past 2 weeks. I just wanted to see if you are ok and we are ok. If something has happened, I’m unaware of it and would like some insight so we can work to improve our relationship.” Sounds simple, right? I’m sure you will find the best wording that works for you. The key is: understanding. That’s what you are looking for in effective communication. You talk to better understand your partner and for your partner to better understand you so you both can understand the relationship better.
So, how can you make sure that you are reviewing your relationship to keep it healthy?
